Golden Girls

I know its been 100 years since I last posted but that was largely due to the fact that I've actually been working on my book. Gah!!! It is both exciting and completely unnerving at the same time. I mean, will people actually want to read about me for scads and scads and pages? Is this something I'll write and my friends will hide their grimaces and say things like "way to go" or "I really like the cover?" But let's leave this hand-wringing and angst until later for my latest dating rant.

On Saturday night I went to a party at the nicest house I've ever seen in real life without having to pay for admission. It was seriously swank: 3 floors, ultra finished basement, wine cellar, multiple balconies for me to recreate scenes from Evita, ginormous garage, beautiful lawns, and a fantastic porch. I felt like a perpetual sophomore using milk crates as furniture.

Now don't get all excited, I wasn't on a date with the owner of this house (although I do have a plan to become the couple's new best friend and get invited routinely to spend the weekend at their estate). Nor was I on a date with anyone. But I was there with a single guy friend who I've known for over a decade now. Before you start thinking this is one of those Harry-Met-Sally deals, let me say that he has unreasonable expectations about the female body and he has 2% body fat. He also hates to stay up past 9pm, doesn't like bevvies or lots of people, and doesn't seem to really dig dogs. He is however a really decent guy and a good friend so when he told me about this party for a friend of his who I hadn't seen in years, I said yes.

The evening itself was good - I really didn't know anyone else but people were pretty friendly, the birthday boy was hilarious as usual, and in spite of the fact that it was an ultra-posh pad I managed not to make a goober of myself. What was unnerving was the convo I had with my friend that brought me.

We were talking about how difficult it is to find someone to date. He has also tried multiple dating sites and although he hasn't had my atrocious luck, he also has yet to meet his other half on said dating sites. Anyways, my friend was saying how he was debating going on a date with a woman because she was one year older than him. One year. Yet, he was totally comfortable dating a girl 12 years younger than him. Sadly I don't think he's alone in this preference. Most guys I meet that are my age are looking for some girl in her early 20's maybe as old as mid-20's. When they find out how old I am, some of them high tail it for the hills as if I were actually 40 years older and offering them a prune cocktail.

The thought of dating a guy in his early to mid-20's gives me the heebie jeebies. My cousin and I have been talking about giving speed dating a try, but she wants to join the 25-35 yr old crowd where I feel more comfortable with the 30-40 yr olds. It isn't that I wouldn't consider dating a guy younger than me, its just that a) men don't appear comfortable with that b) the few I've met or interacted with are crazily immature and c) I'm just too tired to set myself up for something where I fear the guys would think I was an old maid trying to cruise the playground.

Why is it that men almost always seem to want a younger girl? I have been approached by some younger guys online but they inevitably are the ones who talk about suffering from a case of "macro-phallus," live with their parents, all of their profile pics feature them drinking with lots of ladies, and cannot seem to carry on a conversation that doesn't at some point lead to a discussion of my undergarments. Seriously, this one tried to instant message me for like two weeks in a row (before I figured out how to block him) and always started out with a question about my panties.

So what are the options left for me? Dating the psychos I find online, picking out my next boy, er, manfriend at the nursing home I volunteer at, being harangued by boys who seem to be perpetually pubescent, or being alone? Out of all of those, the alone thing isn't looking so bad.