As I’m preparing to resign my Physics* membership and have just been stood up by a guy who told me that he was a fan of the Twilight saga and loved vampires, I decided it was time to take a step back and assess the successes and failures of the various dating ventures I’ve attempted. (Note: you haven’t heard about the Twilight guy yet; he’s different from the texting guy I wrote about most recently who is not a stranger to eyebrow waxing. I hadn’t written about Mr. Twilight yet as he seemed more promising but that was before he forgot that we were supposed to go on a date yesterday so he may pop up in my next post.)
This assessment is not an easy enterprise for a few reasons. First of all, my memory is far from perfect and although I’ve been more meticulous with recording dating details since starting this blog, there are definite blurry spots. Secondly, how do you analyze the benefits and limitations of a dating service? I wanted to approach this at least pseudo-scientifically in terms of rating each service according to a common set of standards but I wasn’t sure what criteria I should measure. Lastly, this is a hard thing to quantify. I mean ideally success would be measured by me meeting “The One,” if such a man exists, so is anything less than that considered a failure? I don’t think so but what I’m attempting is to make something highly subjective a little more objective and that is tricky.
The criteria I’ve chosen in this comparative analysis include price (measured in terms of how many cocktails I could have bought instead of joining the service), length of membership, total number of matches, % of matches that resulted in 2nd dates, % of matches that resulted in 3 dates or more, mental/emotional stability of matches (measured by % of matches that made me fear for my safety, question my sanity for continuing to date, etc.), % of matches that I actually wanted to call me but they dropped off the face of the earth, % of matches that attempted some form of stalking (physical or electronic), % of dates the waitress looked either sympathetic to my plight or outright afraid of my date, my idiocy factor (% of awesome guys that I wish I was attracted to), and uniqueness of matches (matches that were interesting/different and in a way that did not make me fear for my safety).
For the purpose of this analysis and because I really can’t remember every single match I’ve communicated with through the various services, I’m defining “match” as “guy the service set me up with that I actually met in real life or that we communicated with for extended period of time over multiple media (dating service, phonecon, email, and/or text)” And this should go without saying as this is a ridiculously subjective attempt to measure the success of my dating life with imprecise records and no scientific methodology, and all numbers and ratings are certainly approximate at best.
I’m also including the three set-ups that I can remember during this period. I’m defining set-up as a guy my friend deliberately introduced me to for the purpose of meeting and dating (this is to exclude the happy hours I was invited to in order to meet a few guys but where none of them was specifically aware that they were intended for me). These gentlemen have been spread throughout my previous posts and more information on two of them can be found in “It’s Raining Men: Hallelujah?" and "Matchmaker, Find me a Blowtorch.” I don’t think I ever wrote about the other guy a friend set me up with who fell down the awesome single guy black hole after what I thought was a pretty great 3hr long first date and after he texted me to say that he definitely wanted to meet up again. After that, he was never to be heard from again.
Again, I must say that I am grateful to my friends for setting me up on these dates. When looking at the numbers or talking about the single guy black hole where some of the dates fell, it might seem like I don't appreciate the efforts of my friends but this couldn't be further from the case. It must be a very daunting task to match a friend and feel responsible for how things work out but in every case I know my friends had my best interests at heart and I don't regret going on a single one of those dates.
Legend of Dating Enterprises Appearing in Table
A: Food and Flirting*
B: Catholic Cuties*
C: eHarmful*
D: Mismatch*
E: Viral Venus*
F: Physics*
G: Barrel of Monkeys*
H: Set-ups by friends
| | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H |
| Price | Too many | 2 or more | 6 or more | 6 or more | 0 | 3 or more | 0 | 0 |
| Length of membership | 12 months | 1 month | 3 mos. | 3-6 mos. | 6+ mos. | 3 mos. | 3+ mos. | N/A |
| Number of matches | 21 | 1 | 3? | 7? | 10 | 5 | 0 | 3 |
| 2nd date | 25% | 100% | 0% | 57% | 20% | 0% | N/A | 0% |
| 3+ dates | 14% | 0% | 0% | 28% | 20% | 0% | N/A | 0% |
| Mental/ emotional stability | 33% | 0% | 0% | 43% | 20% | 0% | N/A | 33% |
| No calls | 4% | 0% | 0% | 14% | 20% | 40% | N/A | 67% |
| Stalking | 4% | 0% | 0% | 14% | 10% | 0% | N/A | 0% |
| Waitress alarm | 28% | 100% | 33%? | 14% | 10% | 20% | N/A | 33% |
| My idiocy factor | 9% | 0% | 0% | 14% | 10% | 0% | N/A | 0% |
| Uniqueness | 43% | 100% | 33% | 28% | 10% | 20% | N/A | 33% |
Now what the hell do I do with all these numbers? I mean they really seem official and like they should be leading to some sort of conclusion but I’m really at a loss. If I look at the important factor of mental/emotional stability for example, Mismatch* seems to be the most frightening but I don’t remember being that persistently afraid for my safety, security, and/or sanity. Then again, if I look at dating endeavors that resulted in guys that I dated more than 3 times, Mismatch* seems to be in the lead.
The thing is after about 4.5 years of seeking outside consultation and matching from a variety of sources and after having gone on dates with approximately 50 guys, I don’t know what the end result is and where to go next. I guess in terms of end results, I met a lot of very interesting men (some who were a little too interesting) and I was open to a lot of different situations (not all of which were fun or safe but most of which were probably better for my social health than sitting at home watching melodramas on TV).
Maybe this isn’t about the end result either. I’ve never been one of those philosophical “its all about the journey” types but maybe in this case, thinking about finding “The One” as some sort of end state isn’t the point. I’ve become someone who sees herself as complete and fun and interesting and worthwhile without having that plus one that I used to think was so important. Sure, it’s lonely sometimes but it’s kind of great too. And if some day I actually do meet a guy that I actually want to stick around and that does stick around, I won’t have to worry that my entire identity is wrapped up in that person. That its better that we’re two individuals who dig being with each other rather than two people who just got together because they didn’t want to be alone.
Alright this post became a little less whimsical than I intended and daylight’s a-wastin’, so I’m heading to the gym and errands. At some point I’ll contemplate my next move in the dating arena but I don’t think I’ve had any epiphanies yet. PLUS although I have resigned my Physics* membership as of tomorrow, I’m still on Barrel of Monkeys* and who knows, I may find a whole other site or dating endeavor to try or decide that practice makes perfect and try out one of the old ones. Thoughts, comments, and suggestions are welcome as the one thing I’ve learned is that I definitely have a lot more to learn about this crazy world of extreme dating.
*Name has been changed.
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