That's right people, Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I know I haven't updated this blog in quite a while, but given that today is the 13th of February I felt compelled to right that wrong with some sage advice on how to survive the day as a singleton. I am very qualified to dole out this advice seeing as I have never been in a relationship on 14 February. Yes, I am being truthful here and yes it does seem a little strange now that I'm writing this out, but I am a 30-something woman--increasingly alarmed by how the something keeps getting higher--and I have never had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. I have been dumped the week before VD and I have started dating guys immediately following VD, but never actually on VD itself.
I have to admit I really haven't been thinking about the day at all this year (I'll get to the reason for that in a while). Other years, I dreaded Valentine's Day as if I would be surrounded by a horde of happy couples who would stone me to death with roses, chocolates, teddy bears, and heftier gifts. One year in college I remember getting together with a single friend, watching Muriel's Wedding and an insane amount of other rental videos, eating raw cookie dough, chips, and onion dip and drinking wine straight out of the bottle until the point where I believe I was praying to the porcelain god by the early morning hours of 15 February. Another year in the not so distant past I sadly bought myself an enormous heart shaped box of chocolates and paired the entire box with a few vodka gimlets for my dinner. I have wallowed, almost luxuriating, in my misery; picturing how my friends were off having romantic dinners and getting swept off their feet while I will wile away my days as the spinsteriest of spinsters.
Well, this is of course absurd. Very few people actually have a perfect, romantic Valentine's Day. I'm not going so far as to say the whole concept is a myth, but please don't spend your evening thinking that every other person on the face of the earth is part of a couple and being wined, dined, serenaded, and spoiled. The truth of the matter is Valentine's Day, like any other holiday (although more of a commercial, somewhat faux holiday) is just one day. People place a lot of expectations on how that day should be heralded. Gift lists can run long and expensive. Reservations have to be made at ever increasingly difficult to get into restaurants. New and exciting ways of showing your love have to be displayed.
I know of several stories of disappointing 14ths of February. I have one friend who's boyfriend always gets her the same exact set of presents, including food that she is allergic to so that he gets to eat it. Another friend has a significant other nearly always forgets the day which is doubly sad as it is also her birthday. I've heard of burnt dinners, depressingly domestic gifts, and being treated to whatever was left on the shelf at the convenience store up the street.
I was unknowingly the ruination of a Valentine's Day of the wife of a friend. No, this was not because I was hell bent on ruining 14 February as a rule. It was 5 years ago and I was away for work and staying near a friend and his wife. This friend and I had a thing about watching American Idol when we were in the same location. Even now, when I really don't watch the show on my own anymore, we will try to get together and watch it. Pretty much every year since around 2003, there's been at least one day when we are in the same town at the same time that American Idol is on. We've watched it together in Charlottesville, Baltimore, Dayton, and Honolulu. One year, this lucky guy got to watch the show with myself and four other lovely ladies and we treated him to pizza and beer.
But the particular year I was first referring to was a doozy. We were at a conference and the only night the show was on was on and we didn't have a work function was Wednesday, 14 February. My friend assured me that his wife was on board with our viewing of the show and we invited another friend, also female, to watch the show with us. I had a sneaking suspicion that my male friend hadn't really asked his wife at all, so I repeated the question of "are you sure she's okay with this" at least three times. So my female friend and I were a little surprised when we arrived at his house, cracked open a beer, and listened to him call his wife while she was at work to inform her (not ask) that we were visiting, actually already at the house that very moment and heading out to pick up dinner, return home, have some beverages, and watch American Idol.
We probably should have left at that point, but our host insisted we remain. His wife was nothing but gracious upon her arrival home that evening. We ate, drank, and watched the show together. She participated actively in the conversations, saying which contestants she liked, which she couldn't stand, and asked us how things were back home. At times, I thought I caught her giving my friend the stinkeye but I convinced myself I was imagining it.
Of course I wasn't! We found later that she was sooooo
Anyway, the bottom line is VD is just one day. More than likely, it will not be the culmination of a lifetime of romantic fantasies or a living hell that you have to survive. If you stay out of gift card stores and don't watch any sappy movies, you might be able to get by with not hearing any references to the day. Or if you're lucky like I am, you'll have an amazing yoga class the night before VD where your stress and anxiety over whatever and whoever, melt away for 90 minutes and you feel so full of love for your friends, family, classmates, and hell, even perfect strangers, that all you can do is to wish everyone you know health, wealth, happiness, and of course, love.
This Valentine's Day I plan on treating Charlie to a new chew toy, myself to ONE nice glass of wine, and I'll spend the evening snuggling up with that lovable, huggable dog-o-mine and reading a magazine. I will not go anywhere near Hallmark or Lifetime Channels and will keep the wallowing to a minimum, instead focusing on my wonderful friends and family and the constant love they shower me with and kindnesses they bestow upon me.
The main reason for my sense of perspective this year is that just a little over a week ago, one of my dear cousins died unexpectedly. In between grief, trying to help, and worrying about my family, I've been doing that kicking-myself-for-every-little-thing-I-missed-or-screwed-up thing that we all seem to do when someone we love dies. The question "did he know how much he was loved" kept running through my brain. While I'll never know the answer until we're all reunited at that bowling alley/dog park/Thanksgiving dinner table in the sky, I can try to make sure that my family and friends here on this earth truly know how much I care for them, pray for their happiness, and just plain old love them to pieces.
There are so many different kinds of love besides romantic love. So on that day meant to celebrate love, show your heart and share your time and yourself with someone that you love. Even if its just a phone call to your parents, an email to a friend, or setting aside time to dedicate your thoughts and prayers for all the people in your live that have loved you, continue to love you, and will love you in the future.
