Work Bites

I had the best time at the dentist's office today. Wait, stop. That can't be right...but it's true, I had the best time at the dentist's office. And not just because I got to leave work for the day to go to my appointment. But more on that later.

Why, you may ask, was it such a good visit? Well, I met the most fascinating dental hygienist ever. Before those of you who are my relatives get excited that this was a single man who will now sweep me off my feet (which would be easy because I was already off my feet, laying back in that reclining dental chair), think again. This hygienist was one of the funniest women I have ever met. She had me laughing almost the whole time which did make the cleaning a little tricky.

But she was mainly fascinating as she had only recently become a hygienist. Before then she worked building movie sets. She said it was super hectic and stressful and she was always traveling and wanted to be in one place for a while, so that's why she chose her new job. And before she built movie sets, she worked with Ringling Bros. Circus. Seriously.

Around the age of 30 she decided to go to school to become a dental hygienist. She said all the other students were like 19 years old, had never been outside of Western Maryland, and were planning on marrying immediately after dental school and pretty much staying in the same town forever. They were intrigued by her stories as she had been to so many places. On a trip to Pittsburgh, these youngsters were enthralled by "the big city" but said they just wanted to settle down and marry their boyfriends, most of whom they'd been dating since the 3rd grade and at least a few of whom were almost certainly making meth in their basements.

Although all the students got along, they just couldn't understand that Jean* had absolutely no intention of getting married and having kids. She wasn't anti-marriage or anti-kid, she just said she liked to sleep late and to travel and that she didn't want to be so-and-so's mom; she wanted to be herself. I admire her boldness. It's not that there still isn't some part of me that hopes that I'll still meet a guy who isn't a duke of douchebaggery and maybe have a kid or two. It's just that I'm becoming happier with my life as it is and not pining constantly over how I thought it should be. If I meet a decent guy, good. If I don't, that's still good.

Her career path sounded strange to me at first. How could someone go from working the circus to working movies to dental school?? I mean that just doesn't add up. But when I thought about it, it suddenly made so much sense. Jean* was hilarious, a natural storyteller/comedian, and in her new job she gets to come to work, meet lots of new people, and when those people are anxious or nervous about their visit--or even dreading the visit altogether--she gets to entertain them. How great is that? She makes them laugh when they expected to grimace. And that she had the audacity to so radically change her career, her life--that is incredibly impressive.

Now back to why I was so glad just to leave the office that I willingly ran to the dentist's office. It wasn't enough that today was the sort of day (or you could say it's been the same sort of day for like month after month) where I wanted to stab myself in the leg with a pen so I could leave the office and spend several weeks in a nice, relaxing hospital. Nooooo, I find out that work is literally destroying my health.

Alright, that may be a slight exaggeration. But as Jean* described it, I am apparently trying to eat my own head and have chewed off the porcelain on my crown from grinding my teeth constantly. She suggested that I might find a new career as someone who lifts weights by holding them between my teeth because I had an overdeveloped temporal muscle, particularly on my left side, from all the constant grinding.

Work probably isn't the only culprit in this marathon of stress that is running my teeth into the ground. I have to admit to those of you who haven't met me in real life that I have always been a tightly wound person who desperately wishes she was more laid back, so much so that she stresses out about how stressed she is. I had been trying to deal with these tendencies-o-mine through yoga, shortened commutes, exercise, volunteering and more fun time. Unfortunately, work has been insane with self-created problems, catastrophizing, and unreasonable expectations about what a human can actually accomplish in 8-11 hours a day. This means that I have missed all my yoga classes, am too tired to go to the gym more often than not, haven't volunteered at the nursing home since Charlie slipped a disc making Pets on Wheels a little trickier, oh and my commute is looking like it will soon return to a state of hellishness that I fear will drive me over the edge.

Hence, my teeth are now ground down to nubs. Ok, not nubs exactly but Jean* said I would starve if I were a vampire as I'd worn down my teeth so much.

How can I still be in a pretty decent mood and consider the dental visit a raging success? Well, because I almost peed myself laughing when I thought the dentist was referring to my vah-jay-jay when he asked "How are things downtown?" while looking at my lap. I'm pretty sure Jean* thought the same thing as we both looked horrified, surprised, and then snorted with laughter, particularly when we realized that he was referring to the Baltimore magazine resting on my knees.

And then to top off the visit, my "areas of concern" where the dentist thought they might need to do fillings on the last visit, well, this time he said that I was taking such good care of my teeth and gums that the cavities had kind of gone dormant or something and that we could hold off again and maybe even not need to do anything to them at all. I wanted some sort of award like "Best Dental Patient of the Year" and maybe a parade. Or at least a sticker. I did get the consolation prize of a toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss, and a follow-up visit in six months.

And then the icing on the cake that was that during that one great hour today when I wasn't a stressed out maniac, I actually went to the gym and the loudspeaker played "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" when it usually plays crapass music that makes me want to vom.

It's the little things that make me happy. Meeting an interesting person, laughing so hard I almost bit off that dental pick thingy, being praised for my excellent oral hygiene, hearing They Might Be Giants when I expected club techno music. These things seem so small but they make me smile, albeit with award winning improved teeth that are ground down to nubs.

It's the little things that can make you miserable though too. The idiotic task with no guidance and unreasonable deadlines with no explanation of what the hell is happening. Computers freezing. Inbox overflowing. Realizing that even though you've been too busy to eat anything more for lunch than a quick yogurt at your desk that you've actually gained weight. In the scheme of life, those things are quite small but it can feel like drowning by inches in quicksand while mosquitoes bite you constantly.

What's the moral of this rambling post? Well, I think it's that I need to stop letting the bad little things that don't really matter stress me out to the point where I become a toothless migraine sufferer who has to put all her food in a blender. I need to put away the scale or at least decrease the amount of times I use it and the amount of control I give it over my feelings of self-worth. And I need to cherish all the little things that make me smile, appreciate them more, and enjoy them while they're happening instead of worrying what's ahead.

And of course that I need to make myself some sort of award (or maybe a tiara!!!) to proclaim myself as the Best Dental Patient of the Year. That is the moral of today's long-winded story. The end.

*Name has been changed.