Swingers Redux

The same week that I went out with Glen* the maniacal driving range date (see At Least I Got To Hit Some Balls), I was supposed to go out with another guy as well.  Marty* and I had emailed a few times through the dating website and he seemed like an okay guy.  He said that he had been on the site for a while and had gone on a couple of dates but nothing had really panned out.  His emails were non-threatening, pleasant chats; with the clarity that is hindsight, I now realize that in his emails he revealed very little of his personality. 

We decided to meet on a Friday for drinks.  I have to admit that after my disastrous date with Glen* on that same Tuesday, I was not looking forward to another date.  But I was about to head out of town for a mini-break with a friend and then would be swamped with finishing up my old job, getting ready to start a new job; so, Friday looked to be as good a day as any other.  Of course, I was forgetting at the time how much I excel at procrastinating.  By Thursday night I realized there was no way I could make all my appointments on Friday, pack for my early flight Sat morning, and meet Marty*. 

Earlier in the week Marty* had said that I should text him so we could chat and while I’m against texting when you don’t really know someone (I don’t think you really can get to know someone over text, there’s no way to read someone’s expressions, get their sarcasm, etc plus I’m not that skilled in the texting arena) I decided to send him a quick text Thursday night to let him know that I wouldn’t be able to meet him the following day and to arrange a time when I was back in town to meet up.

What followed was eerily reminiscent of a scene from the movie that first introduced me to one of my favorite pretend boyfriends, Vince Vaughn.  In Swingers, Vince’s character’s friend Mikey (played by Jon Favreau) meets a girl at a bar, they have a flirtatious conversation, she gives him her phone number, and he proceeds to leave a bajillion voicemails.  This understandably freaks the girl out and she instructs him never to call him again.

The following is a transcript of the texts that followed my first text to Marty* on Thurs night at 9:01pm apologizing for postponing and seeing if it was ok if we met up when I returned from my vacation.

Him (9:03pm): I’m gonna have to think about that

Him (9:07pm): Well, ya gotta do Whacha gotta do…I was looking forward to tomorrow but…when do you get back?

Me (9:16pm): 15 Sep not free til 17^th or 18^th.  Sorry but changing jobs & am swamped. Will email when back and we can plan.  Gotta run, on my other phone with a friend.  Talk w/ you next wk.  Have a good wknd!

Him (9:20pm): Ok.  Sounds good.  I sent you an email too btw…

Him (9:23pm): You don’t seem like crap at txting…I’m more of a phone person myself…but I have an awesome phone that makes texting easy…

Him (9:32pm): So tell me more about yourself.  Where are you going on vacation?  Are you excited?  Sounds like fun.  I’m jealous.  Can’t wait to meet up when you get back.

Him (9:41pm): Your turn…

Him (9:49pm): Hello?  Are you there?  What happened?

Him (9:56pm): Sorry, if you’re busy its cool, but if you have time and want to, gimme a call.  I don’t want to bother you but would love to chat!

Him (10:07pm): Seriously, I really want to talk to you.  Please call soon.

Him (10:09pm): What’s up?  What are you doing? I’m starting to wonder…

Him (10:15pm): You there?  Did I say something wrong?

Him (10:22pm): I had to put the phone down for a bit. Did you try to call?  Please give me a call soon.  I really really really want to talk to you.

Me (10:24pm): As I said before, was on phone with a friend.  You’re coming on a bit too strong for me.  Sorry but I don’t think we should continue with this.

Him (10:28pm): What? I’m sorry. I was just expecting a call from you tonight. I get a lil excited sometimes.  Don’t take it the wrong way.

Him (10:32pm): And I’ve never done this before so…I’m really sorry, please reconsider?)

Him (10:38pm): I also feel like txt msgs can be easily misinterpreted, gimme 5 mins and you’ll feel much better about this…can I call you?

Him (10:42pm): Really, I’m so sorry.  But you can’t blame me.  I really wanted to talk to you.  That should be considered a good thing.  Please call or I’ll call you.  Please…

Him (10:50pm): You have got to think this over.  We could be great!  I really have a good feeling about us.

Him (10:55pm): Can you do me a favor at least and check your email?...if not, well…please!

Thankfully that was the last I heard from him.  While he was texting away and I was freaking out trying to discern if there’s any way he could have found out where I lived and was on his way to my house, I went onto the dating website and blocked him from being able to view my profile.  I nearly had a panic attack and called a friend as Marty* really did frighten me.  She tried to calm me down but agreed that he was bad news.  He had also lied at some point as he originally told me that he had been on the site for a while and dated a few women he met through the site, but in one of his MANY texts to me that night, he claimed that this was the first time meeting someone on line and for that reason I should excuse his habit of texting me approx every five minutes. 

In a brilliant fit of self-preservation, I have since quit that particular dating website.  While some of the guys I had met on that service were perfectly nice, there were far more crazies than I was willing to put up with, especially since they seemed to be getting scarier and scarier.  As for if the new site I’m on will prove to be any better (or please, God, no, please not worse), only time will tell.

*Name has been changed