Dating Amnesia

2008 wasn’t that long ago but I’m having the hardest time remembering the specifics of my brief interlude with eHarmony. I know I was on there for three months and I distinctly remember one date but I fear that I may have had more but they were either too boring for me to remember or to terrible and I have blocked them from my memory.

The one guy I do remember was a doozy. I can’t remember his name at all – I think it was Rick, Steve, or possibly Ken although in truth it may have been none of those. Rick/Steve/Ken and I had jumped through all the communication hoops at eHarmony and had shared a few open emails. We decided to meet in person to see if there was any real life “chemistry.” I picked one of my favorite restaurant-pubs.

Bad sign #1: Lateness

He did call to say he was lost after he was 15 minutes late so I can’t fault him too much, but 30 minutes of sitting at the bar waiting for him to show left me a little perturbed. The lateness combined with his being very flustered and sweating profusely upon arrival made for a less than thrilling beginning. After he finally arrived and settled down somewhat, we sat down to eat dinner.

Bad sign #2: Extreme indecision

This pub has an extensive libations menu. Thicker than some novels, it can be a bit intimidating. Still, it was disconcerting to have him thumbing through it, muttering to himself, for a solid 15 minutes just to pick out a drink. Every time the waitress came by he needed more time. I feared that it would be morning before he ordered a main course but he eventually picked the very first beer on the multipage menu and the very first entrée on the list.

We start exchanging information about ourselves but I notice that like a majority of the guys I end up dating, he was primarily interested with talking about himself. In his case, I think he was pretty insecure and had a spiel that he was comfortable delivering; I don’t think he was an egomaniac or anything but it was still a little annoying to sit through a monologue of his life, while I asked him questions and was interested in what he was saying, and he pretty much went along his script as if it were memorized.

He was in IT but was in the process of starting up his own business dealing with corporate wellness. He was trying to get businesses to buy his services and he would provide them with health seminars, nutrition consulting, exercise consulting, and massage…

Bad sign #3: No Understanding of Social Norms

The massage was what brought us to bad sign #3. I guess I had been rubbing my temple as a headache had started to form about 20 minutes into the date. I did not intend for that to be an invitation to him, but apparently that was a signal for him to lunge across the table at me with his arms outstretched, looking for a startling moment as if he were going to choke me. As I saw his hands reaching toward my neck, seemingly to throttle me, I kind of smacked the one away at which point he spilled my drink onto the couple at the table next to us. He explained that he thought my neck was stiff and that he was attempting to massage me to make it better as he had just taken part in a massage demonstration. I told him that it was just a little unnerving and while it was kind of him to offer, that really I was feeling ok.

Bad sign #4: Awkwardness with the Bill

Thankfully the date eventually wound its way to the end with the waitress bringing the check over. I reached for my bag to pay for my half of the bill but he shooed me away saying that he would be happy to pay the bill. At that point, he began closely examining it. He looked at that sucker for at least five minutes. Considering we had each had a sandwich or burger and one drink a piece, the examination seemed extreme. He even got out his cell phone and used the calculator to double check the total. After five minutes he said to me, “Well….I’ll get the bill…but you can get the tip.” I was a little surprised. In my experience either the guy pays if it’s the first date or we go dutch. I didn’t have any cash so he asked the waitress where there was an ATM nearby then he waited patiently while I got some money out, got change from the waitress, and left the tip – of which he told me the precise amount down to the nickel, that I should leave.

I decided that I really didn’t want a 2nd date with Rick/Steve/Ken so when he called me a few days after my date I told him I didn’t think it would work out and wished him luck on his next date. Actually I think that’s what I wanted to tell him but I probably lamed out and told him I had started dating someone else. Somehow it seemed kinder than saying I just wasn’t interested.

I know there were a few other guys on eHarmony but I really can’t remember them at all. Next up was Match and I think I joined that site for six months. The dates on that site were way more memorable and probably more entertaining for anyone that is still reading this dating diary of mine. We’ll save Match for another time as I have to log back onto the site I’m currently using and send a few reply emails to some potentials. I can already tell that one will annoy the bejeezus out of me but at least one of them feels more promising.