It was with no small amount of reluctance that I tried Match. For some reason it seemed like crossing a line. I’m not sure why after IJL, Cath Singles, and eHarm, that Match seemed like it would be much worse. Maybe it was that I had tried so many things with not the best results and was afraid that if I tried a few more I’d be out of things to try and what then? Whatever the reason, I threw caution to the wind and signed up to become a member.
Match seemed simpler than eHarmony but also like I had to do more of the work. Sure it was easier to build a profile on Match then to go through and answer the 700 bajillion questions and essays and all that eHarmony makes you fill in to find your perfect match. But once I had built the profile I had to start searching through guys’ profiles and decide if there were any that I wanted to try to chat up.
There was also a lot more sleaze on Match than on the other sites. One of the guys that “winked” at me (code on Match for informally contacting someone without actually taking the time to write anything – its like texting a smiley face rather than calling someone and having a conversation with them), this guy described himself as “suffering from a case of macrophallus.”
There were also quite a few guys who liked to take pictures of themselves shirtless, staring into a bathroom mirror, with their own cell phone cameras.
You can tell a lot about a man by which pictures he posts with his profile. After a while I determined that there was a formula that most men followed. There was at least one photo of travels to exotic locations, with or without the guy + one photo of guy with adorable pet (usually dog) + one or more photos of guy doing manly, adventurous activities. If the guy wanted to portray his domestic or gourmet side, there may be a picture of him drinking wine or cooking. There also may be a picture of him with babies or small children to show that he too likes to think about the future and is unafraid of commitment. The guys who are not so into commitment will have pictures of themselves at a beach with a bunch of co-ed friends.
I never talked to a guy who didn’t have at least one picture. This was mainly because I had heard that guys who were married got profiles on dating websites and never put their pictures so that their spouses couldn’t find them. But also because at some point, you have to be willing to meet up in “the real world” and you should be able to have a reasonable expectation of what the guy looks like. I would later be pursued by a guy on OkCupid who I’m pretty sure was married and had a headless picture of himself as his profile pic. It was highly disturbing. It was even more disturbing when he told me that my eyes were sensitive and adventurous and that he would be visiting DC for a week and would love to meet up with me or even stay at my house.
The scariest picture I would ever see would be a picture of a woman on a motorcycle followed by a picture of the guy and the same woman on the motorcycle. Why that was so frightening was that the pictures belonged to a polygamist who bragged his wife was bisexual and they were looking for someone to help spice up their relationship.
Just as important as the pictures, I learned how to read a guy’s profile and determine if there was any real reason to attempt to meet him in the real world. I paid attention to the stuff that he included as well as the stuff he didn’t. Some guys barely put 3 words together. If they’re not going to spend a little time and effort on a profile that would be their first introduction to a potential date, that can be indicative of how much attention they pay to the date once they actually meet. I also pay attention to spelling and grammar – spell check is way too easy to be completely ignored.
Then I look for the harder to define qualities of a profile. Sense of humor is hugely important. I like a little offbeat wackiness thrown in there. Confidence is also important, but that is a fine line to walk as it can quickly slide into arrogance. I like it if the section of what he’s reading or watching these days, there’s a book thrown in there somewhere and if his hobbies include more than drinking with his pals. I don’t care for blatant mushiness or greeting card/trashy novel attempts to appear romantic. Other than that, I’m still learning about what makes up a profile of a guy that I want to meet.
I don’t remember all the guys that I emailed with on Match but I do remember the ones I spoke with and/or met in person. There are some that I would like to forget, but one or two were pretty good guys. Next post I’ll introduce you to Early Bird Ian and the nicest guy in the world Allen, but I’ll save the angry midget and some of the others for later.
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