I Kinda Liked It Better When My Dates Were Insane

The week before Thanksgiving I went on two dates and neither of them was crazy.  That in itself is pretty novel.  What isn’t new is that the one I really liked has fallen into that black hole all desirable single men seem to fall.  But I’m getting ahead of myself so let’s start at the beginning.

On Tuesday I met Bruce* at a local bar.  He was intelligent, a good conversationalist and attentive.  We talked about traveling, families, stories of growing up, and the upcoming holidays.  I wasn’t a smitten kitten but didn’t mind the idea of going out with him again.   The next day he was leaving at like 5am to fly to Las Vegas for 5 days of fun with some friends and said he would call when he got back in town.  The one moment that gave me pause was when he turned to me and said that he had never been married or engaged before.  I said I hadn’t been either and thought that was the end of the discussion.  These are not the exact words that followed, but the general gist of what he said next was that he was an independent type person and whoever he ended up with would have to conform to his life. 

I don’t want to pick apart every guy that I date to find something that is wrong with him, but I also don’t want to ignore what could be red flags.  Was this a red flag or was it nothing?  I mean, he could have just been nervous and it didn’t mean anything.  Or it could have been that he was saying this now so that say we end up having a relationship and I get annoyed that he is expecting me to completely change my life to conform to what he wants and he says how he told me from the beginning that this is how it would be. 

I decided not to let his declaration of independence scare me away from him and responded to his email last week saying I would like to meet up with him again.  Of course, since I responded to his email he has fallen into the desirable single guy black hole. 

The desirable single guy black hole is not a new phenomenon.  In “The Dangers of Social Networking” I discussed how the black hole sucked up the dreamy veterinary surgeon (not to be confused with chinchilla neuterer from “Two Things I Never Thought I’d Hear”).  You know how it is, you go on a great date where the conversation is awesome, he is cute, you know it is going beyond unbelievably well.  You both agree that you had a great time and he said he’d love to go out again and will call you to set something up.  And then…nothing.  That’s it.  He is never to be heard from again. 

I sort of think there should be a law against this type of misbehavior.  Why say you want to go out again and say you’ll call if you don’t mean it?  Did he say those things because he didn’t want to seem mean at the end of the date?  I’ve been in situations where I’m not interested in the guy but don’t want to crush his feelings and it is a tricky situation.  But I usually just try to be polite but clear and say something like “have a nice night” and shake his hand or if I want to be a little more up front that its not going to work, I might wish him luck on the dating site.  I don’t say I want to go out again if I don’t.

It didn’t bother me as much with Bruce* as it did with Eric.*  Eric* was my date on Friday night of the same week.  We met at a bar downtown and had what I thought was a terrific time.  He is funny and cute and I loved talking with him.  Eric* is wicked tall with red hair and has funky pointy teeth which I actually found adorable and a somewhat high-pitched laugh when he really got going.  He had been working in business before but hated it so started working with this charter school near his house and now works there full time.  He loves it and really likes his coworkers.  Crap, he even makes lunch once a week for his coworkers – like exotic stuff like falafel and homemade pestos.  He told me about his affection for those paranormal tv shows where they hunt ghosts and how awesome his dog is and how much he was looking forward to the holidays with his family.  We talked for hours and then he walked me to my car, hugged me, asked if he could call me to go out again, asked when I was free the following week, and then never contacted me again.  Yep, that about sums it up.

I remained strong though I almost cracked and called him.  It helped that Thanksgiving was crazy busy and then I became wicked sick and sounded like Elmer Fudd after gargling with broken glass.  But I was tempted to call as I really liked him.  I just had to keep reminding myself what I discussed in “The Art of Communication,” it has never worked when I call the guy.  If he really liked me, he would have called.  It sucks and its old school, but it seems to be one of those universal truths. 

Now I’m trying to decide what to do next.  I’m still talking with a few guys on Physics* and being contacted by increasingly scary guys on Barrel of Monkeys.*  In addition to the unibrow who told me he was tired of showering alone, I’ve been approached by a series of frightening guys who take pictures of themselves aiming guns into cameras or almost passed out on tables with their friends.  I’m beginning to feel like a more permanent period of hermitage is in order.  This is a dangerous time though, rife with sappy holiday movies where the single gal finds a hot date under her tree with a red bow or kidnaps a former star of “Saved By the Bell” and makes him pretend to be her boyfriend until they eventually fall in love.  If a prolonged dating detoxification period leaves me with extended periods of time to watch such sappy seasonal specials, the end result could be disastrous.

*Name has been changed