A Tale of Too Many Trainers

Proving again that I am incapable of having a normal relationship with trainers (see It’s Not Me, It’s You for the full backstory), I am now being pursued by one of the trainers at the gym. Not my Trainer who is awesome (but entirely too young so don’t go getting any ideas as I have not embraced my inner cougar) and for who I finally caved and signed up for additional sessions (see Waiting Game), but with another one who we will call Calvin.* I was chatting with my Trainer a few weeks ago and Calvin* kept trying to butt into the conversation. At first I thought he was just overly friendly. So I finished up my convo and worked out. When I was getting ready to leave I heard someone yelling my name. I walk toward my Trainer who I thought was calling me, but it turned out it was Calvin.*


I’m standing there red-faced and sweating and clearly trying to leave and he says, “I made you this oatmeal and got you your own bowl.” I must have asked him to repeat himself a few times as I thought I had to have misunderstood him. But no, he was in fact offering me a post-workout bowl of oatmeal. Unsure what was proper etiquette I think I said that that was very odd but nice but very weird and no thank you. He kept coming at me with the bowl so I tried to sidestep over to my Trainer while laughing nervously and talking about needing to get home to take my dog for a walk.


I kinda thought that would be the end of it, but every time I’ve gone into the gym the past few weeks and he’s been there, Calvin* looks at me kinda strangely and makes bizarre references to how we’re going to go out. I usually go with a nervous laugh and briskly striding away, but he seems undeterred. When I tried to sign up for more sessions with my Trainer, Calvin* told me that he was busy all that week and I would need to see Calvin* instead.


Then this past week I had my first session of my new series with my Trainer* and he waited until I was on that leg press thingy where you’re sitting upside down with like 1,000 lbs of weight bearing down on you (ok, it was closer to 90 lbs but still it was HEAVY) to tell me that Calvin* has been talking about me and saying how he’s going to take me out and sort of not letting it drop even though my Trainer has been trying to discourage him and tell him I’m not interested. He said that Calvin* asks when I’m coming in next and tries to find ways to be around then. Should I just be flattered or slightly creeped out?


I do have to admit that the offer of oatmeal from a total stranger when it is approximately 6:30pm and I am highly sweaty and gross, is perhaps one of the strangest offers I’ve had from a guy in quite a while. It made me think of all the weird and/or undesirable offers I’ve had, including seeing what’s in their guest bedroom closet, a jar of fermented tea for my very own (see The Tales of the Seductive Beekeeper and the Angry Midget), a possible romantic situation with the guy I’d been on 3 or 4 dates with and our very nice waitress (see A Brief Period of Normalcy with a Side of Squeamishness), to become a baby momma for a man and his four children under the age of six (see The Dangers of Social Networking), etc.


What happened to flowers or a box of chocolates?



*Name has been changed