How to Survive the Holidays and Even Enjoy Them as a Singleton (part I)

One of my favorite films, Jodie Foster’s “Home for the Holidays,” was filmed in my own hometown of Charm City and there is a quote in that movie that seems especially applicable to the plight of the singleton during the holiday season. The line was delivered by the late, great Anne Bancroft when describing what she was thankful for during her family’s Thanksgiving celebration: “I’m giving thanks that we don’t have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those bastards went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us.”

Now let me state for the record, particularly to any of my wonderful family members who may be reading this post, the above quote and this post in general are not reflective of our recent celebration of Thanksgiving which was wonderful and remarkably free from conflict. Not to say that all of our holidays have been similarly fun and non-combative, but this past one was pretty swell.

But in the hustle and bustle of preparing for the holidays, I am unavoidably exposed to scenes of parental bliss as my friends’ kids start being extra good in case Santa is taking notes. That sometimes gets to me as do the scenes of yuletide romances largely from holiday movies and commercials. You know the type, like a commercial for a jewelry store with a couple snowshoeing to a picturesque cabin in the woods and they happen upon a Saint Bernard and tied to his collar is a spectacular diamond ring. Or one of the standard plot lines of cheesy made for television holiday movies that I can’t seem to stop watching, where inevitably the plucky and yet confused single gal snags a man over the course of a few days in December.

In that spirit, I thought it might behoove me to think up some helpful hints for singletons attempting to enjoy the holidays (as I did with singletons attempting to enjoy weddings, parts 1 and 2). First of all, as with the weddings, don’t think of the holidays as something to survive. Although the hellish sprint for the finish line can have you cursing at random strangers in the mall as you attempt to grab the one remaining present that doesn’t suck, the holidays aren’t supposed to be about that. The period from Thanksgiving through Christmas (I’ll save New Year’s for later) can be a wonderful time. Gatherings with friends and family, the crackle of leaves underfoot, the smell of a fireplace, hot cocoa, and those songs that everyone can sing along to – these are things to be treasured.

Secondly, don’t think that just because your friends are not of the singleton variety that their holidays are like a series of festive Christmas cards, complete with carolers, cookies, and cherubic children. Sadly the holidays can be stressful for almost everyone. Children aren’t always on their best behavior, even when you assure them that Santa is trained like a heat-seeking missile on their every move, waiting to put them on the naughty list. Spouses aren’t always thoughtful or romantic and with the wrong spouse or partner, it’s far better to be the one singleton at the Christmas party. While I once found short-lived romance at a Christmas party, I always find that if I manage to get over being alone at holiday soirees, I can have enough fun to laugh myself silly.

Third, do something kind for someone else. In fact, do that as much as you can and not just during the holidays. It sounds hokey but it’s true—volunteering your time and talents in the service of others can be as wonderful for you as it is for them. My role model in this, and in so many other things, is my sister. I don’t think a day goes by when she doesn’t help at least one person. In addition to keeping yours truly sane, she volunteers at her church garden, the food pantry for the hungry, the children’s hospital, and does so much for all of our family that it’s a wonder she has time to do anything else. While I can’t compete with her record of service, I find that when I volunteer at the nursing home or go see the children at the hospital, it makes it easier to see the miracles in life and much more difficult to complain about my own troubles.

Fourth, spend actual quality time with your family and friends. I don’t mean the obligatory dinners where you grimace your way through the meal, exchange a few pleasantries, and go on about your lives.  I mean, hop in the car with a few of them and check out Christmas lights. Grab some of them and bake some cookies. Go to your little cousin’s holiday play, check out a concert, do whatever, but take some time from the running around and craziness, and savor the company of family and friends.

My favorite festive traditions past and present include:

• Christmas shopping, kettle corn munching, and Cracker Barrel visiting with my sister, cousins, and niece at the Maryland Christmas festival
• Willingly and joyfully locking myself in the car with a sibling or two or more and careening through the decorated streets, caroling tone deafly into the night
• Making excessive amounts of peanut brittle with my sister and niece, to the point where, much to our dogs’ joy, we are covered in a fine layer of peanut dust and sugar
• Going to mass Christmas Eve with my parents, aunt, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. I used to play the flute at these masses when my grandfather was still with us, and now I still sit in wonder at the harpist or violinist or the seniors’ bell choir, and how we started the service in darkness with only candles lighting the way.
• Riding in a Honda civic driven by a clown (sister), with Santa (brother) in the passenger seat, and surrounded by fellow elves (niece and friend) through the streets of Baltimore to visit the wonderful children at the hospital and seeing people’s faces when they see the menagerie of characters smushed in the car
• Decorating the church where my parents were married and us kids were baptized, with siblings, nieces, nephews, and my dad hanging holly, arranging rows of poinsettias, and setting up the Nativity scene. Especially the time when we couldn’t find the angel and had to check every confessional, nook, and cranny, and run through the church basement exploring the mysteries of the parish. And changing the dress of the Infant of Prague statue, sometimes with the clothes that were made by our grandmother
• The annual Christmas brunch with my three best friends from high school, complete with pictures, presents, and a little bit of the bubbly. Husbands and kids get added into the preview but the main event is still sitting and chatting with these girls who have known me forever
• Decorating the tree with my parents, when both were in healthy body and spirit, and how they always got me a new ornament each year. One year it was a tiny basket of plums –those were my favorite fruit at the time—and another year it was a mini grand piano
• Seeing my beloved canine happily tearing into his presents, fluff everywhere, while simultaneously attempting to shake the Santa hat off his head
• Breakfast Christmas morning with my neighbors as we fortify ourselves for family gatherings and running hither and yon, and my neighbor usually makes an extra pancake for the dogs
• Watching “White Christmas” for the hundredth time with a couple of the wackiest gals this side of Pine Tree, Vermont. This tradition includes multiple holiday beverages, a 2 foot tall animated Bing Crosby doll purchased for me by those same ladies, and focusing on/ridiculing selected movie cast members.

With this in mind, I must call it a night as I have to be at the airport at an ungodly hour tomorrow (driven of course by my wondrous sister). Hopefully by the time I get back from this rather poorly timed work trip, I’ll think up a few ways to survive New Year’s, but if you have any tips to offer, please do as I’ll take all the help I can get.