Dorks Anonymous

If you haven’t met me in real life you’ll have to take my word for this, but I am truly a dork.  My dorkiness has been confirmed of late by my completely pre-teen like behavior with regards to the Dog Whisperer (see Stalking the Dog Whisperer post and comments for back story).  I don’t want to even talk about it too much as I don’t want to jinx it.  GAH! I’m one step away from leaving a note on his door saying “Do You Like ME? Circle Yes or No.” 

We’ve now progressed to having talked together for over 10 minutes at a time, he’s crossed the street to come talk to me (a MAJOR improvement from previously when he would cross the street to avoid me and my dog who was violently opposed to his dog), and now actually walking together.  Yes, that’s right, after months of me intermittently mooning over him, we’ve now walked around the block together.  And I was so excited that I did a happy booty dance in my kitchen following said walk and am afraid that several passers-by might have observed the happy booty dance.  Right on cue, my friend and co-conspirator who has been trying for months to get more info on DW and throw me into his path, called to discuss the walk as she and her husband both had observed said walk.  But that’s all I’m going to say for now as again, I’m a dork, and I don’t want to jinx this.  And still have not confirmed that he is in fact single.  Or remotely interested in me.

In other news, Mr. Twilight may be making a return appearance as he sufficiently explained semi-standing me up on our last date (see Curse of the Toxic Wine Bar for more info).  He continues to be delightfully witty in his emails and we are trying to meet up again soon.

And finally, I’m about ready to kick my one remaining dating site to the curb.  Barrel of Monkeys* has been sketchy at best since I joined it a few months ago (see Weird Science for info on my dual dating site debacle).  This definitely may have been a case of getting what you pay for since that joint was free.  Recent matches who have wanted to meet include a guy who had a picture of himself dressed as a pirate (and it seemed to be more of an everyday wardrobe choice rather than costume) and Dick.*  Dick* approached me last week but it was almost too much for me to comprehend.  First, the profile pics included one of him posed in front of a waterfall whilst looking pensive and another picture of him pretending to sleep.  The email he sent me simply said “Can you handle a guy like me?”  When I checked out his profile, it prompted me to answer “No.”   His profile looked something like the following:

I am just an ambitious outdoorsy professional athlete trying to change the world the best way I know.  Ask whatever you wish of me and it shall be granted.  The real problem is, I am also a die hard romantic! Alas! it seems women have lost a taste for that. Why is that? Granted I see lots of lovely ladies on here, and I am a sucker for your beautiful eyes. But if you really want all the stuff you claim you do, look no further for..Here I am!  You are the only thing stopping you here.  Not me.  You. Turn up the speakers from your heart and decrease the ones from your brain. I will see you somewhere in the middle!?!  Women have no idea how to seduce and be seduced.  You are more girls than women.  Why?